hmmm my favorite quote…“love life, get laid, and get paid” 
Feeling a bit better today, took a loooong nap yesterday and then slept at night from about 2am-7am and didn’t get up until 9. I didn’t take cold pills this morning for the first time in probably 5 days and I have been feeling alright.
So I went lifting and did a combination of what field hockey wants me to do and what I wanted to do:
-bench
-squat
-RR
-lats
-tris
-hamstring curls
-some general inner and outer thigh stuff
-some core in between other things
I don’t really like the weight room here, it has all weird different plates, and some of them are in freakin kilos and some aren’t, and it’s just a lot more complicated than it needs to be. I used the non-kilo plates as much as possible so that I wouldn’t collapse under some weird weight because I don’t want to deal with simple math while I’m focusing on something else. But it felt great to be lifting again.
Then I did a 3 mile run with hills, running 9 minute miles so not too fast, just enough to loosen up and be moving.
Today was so nice and so much less stress, I feel like I dread field hockey every day. I know I keep complaining about it and then not acting, so I should shut up and either deal with it or just quit, but I am still stuck in a sort of personal moral dilemna about it 
feeling a bit sore from lifting and a little stiff from 2 hours of modeling… the short poses are fine, but when you have to hold things for 10, 20, and 40 minutes, you realize how much you need to move around! got decent enough sleep, just easy practice today to get ready for a game tommorow.
practice was easy enough and felt good. a bunch of people were gone to play in the JV game, but the coach kept me at practice. it went pretty well- i am sucking it up 
yay it’s a national holiday 
i’m 18!
I slept like crazy last night, right through my alarm and my first class… guess i really needed it. today we have a game, we don’t know how good the team is so I don’t know if I’ll play, but I do know that we are ranked in the top 20 in the US at the moment so we not going to be intimidated by too many teams.
I’m still a bit sore from lifting, mostly in my IT bands.
Tonight i will be getting into trouble, it’s a good thing i slept so much
Happee Burfdee Kras 
- don’t pickle ya liver
thanks gloop!
won our game today 3-0, got to play in it woohoooooooooo
we are sanctioned to break the “48-hour alcohol rule” tonight if we so desire because our next game isn’t until sunday… we’ll see what happens, i’m not saying anything either way
had a reasonable night- definitely not even close to too much, but enough to unwind a little bit and freaking relax for once in my life.
Had a hard practice today with lots of running which i loved- lots of repeat sprints with jogging in between, plus lots of sprints with quick changes of direction which was great for agility.
soreness from lifting is basically all gone; my back is slightly tight but my therapist will probably work on it sunday when he’s here. I might lift tommorow since sunday is our game against bowdoin, a VERY good team, and i probably won’t play.
had early morning practice which was pretty easy, not much running. tommorow is a pretty big-deal game, god knows how things will go. we also have some kind of testing for track tommorow evening (i guess it is speed testing…?) it is really unclear if i need to go- techincally i don’t since I am “in season” but i saw my coach in passing and he was like… see you tommorow and I was sort of confused. fuck.
i am having some kind of mental episode, i can’t even sit still to write about training i am so ramped up… ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
we lost our game against bowdoin by one penalty shot after double overtime.
there is a track time trial in about an hour, and i haven’t decided yet if I’m going to go. Since I had a game i was standing in the sun all day, and it’s technically not required since I am in season. whats more, my parents were supposed to come up and see me today, and when I talked to my mom she said they changed their minds and don’t want to see me- they are mad about something stupid but i still got really upset. I will feel crappy if i go, but i will feel guilty if i don’t… but how great of a time trial will I run? fuck. i don’t know.
tommorow is lifting and then running/conditioning practice.
i don’t want to be here anymore
just to cancel out the last post-
i pulled my act together and went to the time trial, even though it wasn’t required. My coach told me he didn’t expect anything great because of the long day in the sun, but I ended up doing very very well. everything was in shoes- we did 2x40, and 200-1 min. rest-200. my 40 was 5.1 which was in the top two or 3, and my 200’s were 30 and 31 which was the best.
it was a little weird because during training last year i would run 200 repeats in 28, but im sure once training gets going it’ll all come back, it always does.
track makes me feel so happy and like i am closer to being complete… it makes me feel at home, field hockey is just a distraction. running makes me happy 
today we had independent lifting and a set of 10 hill sprints, then video analysis of the game in the evening instead of practice. beautiful.
my hamstrings were sore from the 200’s, but I was so motivated for the hills that I went all out and destroyed. my previous best for 5 was 5:27, but I went out and ran a set of ten in 10 flat. It was beastly. The next fastest time on the team was 11:08, and the slowest were 15+.
Then for lifts I had somewhat limited time, but I did 10 min. core circuit, squats, tri’s, DB bench, RR, and some pullups.
My ankle started to ache/hurt… sort of a lot 
It happened very quickly after the squats, and I was doing 30 pounds lighter than the heaviest weight I usually do for sets. I don’t know if it was the squats that did it, or if the total volume of those plus the hills was too much. Anyway, I opted out of cleans for give it a break, and elevated it while I was studying. Tommorow I will do whirlpool and see if the trainers will do hydrcortisone ultrasound for me.
I am even more sore now and my body feels a little drained, almost like I might get sick again if I’m not careful. Everyone here is getting sick, it’s ridiculous. The hamstrings have it worst, but that is normal for the beginning of the running season… it always takes them a couple weeks to adjust- it feels like soreness I shouldn’t run through, but I have always run through it anyway and it’s never failed to die down.
Tommorow is meant to be a day off, but there is a JV game and freshman are allowed and “encouraged” to play in it for practice. God knows I could use the rest, but maybe I will look on it as tempo.
It’s raining and in the low 60’s here, and getting soaked in a game with lots of sudden movements on my hamstring didn’t seem like a good idea. So instead, I got soaked doing a track workout which felt GREAT and loosened up my leg a lot.
-ran a mile at a pretty fast pace
-normal track warmup of range of motion and mobility
-a mile of 100’s ins and outs (fast run, focusing on form and lengthening my stride/walk)
-hurdle mobility and 3 jog throughs over 2 hurdles
-2 laps of 50’s sprint/jog
-2 laps easy run
Including the warming up and the jogging to and from the track, it was just under 4 miles. Good stretch and ankle/shin resistance band work still to come. My ankle felt fine throughout and feels a little tingly now, but no pain.
modeling for two hours tonight will be a lot of standing on it.
im sitting quietly at my desk and my heart rate is 108.
hamstrings still sore, plus no sleep, plus more crises in this 3-day period than i am prepared to handle. I talk about nervous breakdowns a lot, but this is a time when i’m actually serious.
I’m scared that if i go running i will rip something.
Hey mate,
Hate to sound harsh, but I think that the best thing you should do at this stage is to go back and read over your posts for the last few months;- this would probably be the best gauge of where you are at and what you need to do…basically a reality check. Do you need all of this heartache, pain, anguish and stress in your life, especially at such a young age? Me thinks not mate. Trust me, life and it’s responsibilities don’t get any easier.
STOP!!! SIT DOWN!!! You really need to work out what is important. Life doesn’t need to be this hard for you.
Work to live and play, don’t live to work.
Please do this…and please take care.
We all want to read your positive, successful training (and life) posts in the future.
DOPR.
thanks… i just had a lot of stressful, hard things happen in the same short period of time, but at least since then nothing else bad has happened.
field hockey has been pretty low-key this week with a bunch of games, so my body has been getting a rest. even having gotten only about 9 hours of sleep in the past 3 days, soreness is pretty much gone, even in my hamstring.
all class is cancelled today, thank god for “mountain day”… i will catch up on sleep and start new next week.
It sounds to me from lots of your last posts that you could sleep 72 hours straight, and it might not be a bad idea, either.
If I could do that… oh man I would love it. Since I’ve gotten here I have had trouble sleeping through the night- it naturally takes me a little while to fall asleep, but I tend to wake up early no matter what time I went to bed and sort of lie around groggy and then drag myself out of bed a couple hours later and end up rushing to be on time. Not to mention having a loud floor and a roommate who has the strangest sleeping patterns I have ever seen… I’m getting used to it, but it’s very rare that I wake up and feel truly rested.
I’m tempted to start in on the ZMA, but I sort of want to wait until track training starts, in EXACTLY a month. I can’t wait.
easy practice, big NESCAC game tommorow against trinity (camp trin trin haha)
just when i thought things were manageable, something else bad happens.
i really feel like i am getting pushed over the edge. i would claim nervous breakdown and go home and not leave my bed, but of course my family and i haven’t been speaking and its not going to get resolved anytime soon so i am trapped here. and sadly, that issue is the least my worries right now.
Sorry 2 hear things are getting u down - has ur uni got a counselling service - maybe a good long gripe at a proffessional listener would be of some help at the moment -
if ur someone who bottles things up u need to get rid of all ur angst - specially if ur not doing any speedwork ( which always seems to help somehow )
Good luck