bracing myself for a nervous breakdown
oh lord
woke up this morning feeling like I was starting to get a cold, so I took the recommended dose of non-drowsy tylenol cold as prevention. hahaha non-dowsy MY ASS, that stuff affected me so strongly that it gave me some kind of weird high, and then put me to sleep in the middle of the day which I NEVER do. I still feel weird and groggy and I know I have to stay up late working tonight and I am so mad at tylenol right now- it made me feel worse than I did originally!
activity-wise I scrimmaged in field hockey for an hour, rolled my left ankle which hurt but feels alright now. My right ankle (the one that was injured) was aching/hurting today which it hasn’t done for a while, and it still is twingy… probably more of a mental thing than anything else since I tend to do that whole psychosomatic thing a lot.
had a meeting for track and I’m so glad that I can start thinking about it. I’m honestly evaluating the field hockey situation because its not fun, it’s taking up a huge amount of time, and I honestly want to focus on getting ready for track and not just fit workouts in around FH stuff. I mentioned it to the track coach because I was hoping he would just tell me to stop, but he told me that he encourages playing as long as i am not getting injured. fuck.
I am trying to look at is as keeping in shape and being good for me since it is on grass but I am so frustrated and miserable and exhausted right now, I don’t really want to think positive. maybe this is the drugs talking… :mad:
Drop FH…
agreed kick it to the kerb!!!
but then i would be a quitter… i don’t know, there are pros and cons to both sides.
the CONS to quitting are: integrity, what if i gain weight, i might drink more, and seeing as I get burned out by track by the end of outdoor I don’t want to start TOO soon.
the pros… there are a lot there too. 
find a different mode of cross training maybe?
i say drop it. you can always do fitness type workouts instead of field hockey. know how you feel about the whole quittin thing, i hate it too. but it doesnt seem to be helping you out at all.
the ankle that I rolled did NOT feel good today, if I stepped on uneven surfaces and had to use it suddenly, it hurt sharply. The other one (the problem one from before) was aching on and off as well, so I went to the trainer and did an ice bath and some exercises- just a mild sprain it seems, but that is how the bad one went downhill so I’m not taking chances.
The trainer told me I could try practicing so I jogged around a bit and it wasn’t good, so I worked on ball handling, did some core, and stretched really well. It was really nice to have a break like that, I felt a bit better about everything.
I don’t know what to do about quitting or staying. If I get injured then the track coach will probably “strongly recommend” that I stop, but otherwise… I haven’t decided if its worth toughing it out.
so much work, so little time, and so much stress… i think i am getting sick.
You’ll probably create a psychosomatic injury anyway because of the situation, which we’ll be damaging, so it seems to make sense to quit and do your own thing.
had practice cancelled today because of pouring rain, which was great because my ankles are a little sore still and I have come down with some kind of mild cold.
I was up until 2am doing work, didn’t finish everything, tanked up on caffeine and took cold medicine and didn’t eat and had to fall asleep in the middle of the day… yet surprisingly i don’t feel that bad now.
I feel really weird not working out but I don’t mind the break from won’t playing. However, now that I have been eating like crazy for the past couple weeks, some of the old anxieties about food are coming back to bother me.
AM practice inside. everything is a lot faster on the turf-like surface so it matters less that my ball-handling isn’t the best and my speed becomes a bigger advantage. We are supposed to have our turf field sometime this month, who knows… I will be much happier when we have it.
ankles are both sore. I need to start lifting again.
I just gorged myself on food and i’m ready to go back to bed… it’s raining and cold.
went for a 3-mile run with hills… it took me under 30 minutes which felt kind of fast. i went with a XC boy so of course he didn’t even break a sweat.
i’m about the blow the whole day going to a game at Conn tommorow, and most likely for no reason. I know it’s not “team-like” but if i’m not going to play i’d like to know NOW, before i drive for 6 hours and freeze and hinder my cold-recovery process for 2 hours outside.
this week i start 2 jobs- one being a tutor, and other the other being an art model. it will force me to schedule my time better and it’s money, but the stress… the only time i’ll be able to lift will probably be in the early morning or late at night- it’s tough to do it in the middle of the day without feeling rushed.
blew my ENTIRE day for no reason as predicted. i’m ridiculously stressed out to the point of mental breakdown 
i was grinding my teeth so hard that my jaw hurts.
i want to go home.
Hi, Krasnayafleur,
We haven’t spoke before , but I understand and can empathise completely with you in regard to “burning the candle at both ends”.
I have to battle with it every day with the work that I do, and the track/sporting goals that I have. I’m 31, and have a somewhat limited “window” of opportunity with my sprinting, but I have also learnt that life and quality of it is more important at the end of the day then busting my ass that one time too many and sufferring the consequences for it. Sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses, or you end up forgeting what they look like when they bloom.
This became more evidence 2 years ago when my mother was diagnosed with cancer (in remission now). It definitely put things into perspective in regard to what is important in life.
I hope that everything works out for you mate, and look forward to continued reading of your progress and success.
DOPR.
thanks… i am just having a really difficult time and i am overloaded both within and outside of school and it is just a lot and leading to no good end but i can’t do too much about it. there is no one here to look out for me here except for myself
Of everything that you are attempting to achieve at the moment, are there specific matters that hold a higher importance or priority before others?
For example, are you fulfilling anything in a school, sport or work vein because you feel you “have to”?
One thing that I have realised is that I love my sport, but I don’t “have” to do it. I love my work, but I don’t “have” to do it. If tomorrow I wanted to do something else, I have that power of choice. At the end of the day, you only have 1 you, and you have to look that. You have a wonderful power of decision, as does evedrybody; the power of choice, and the responsibility for those that you choose. You are ultimately responsible for the choices that you make, no one else. But always remember that you have the power to change any situation in an instantaneous moment through a single decision.
(sorry to get all Anthony Robbins on you mate, but it is so true…)
Jeez, take a break girl. From my experience, its hard to adapt to a new school and a new environment, and that alone is stressful (consider the fact that you’re at college and away from home, and well now you’re tripling it!). It seems to me that you’re trying to be wonder woman and do it all. Well she was a cartoon and you’re not, and everyone breaks down under stress. Honestly, I think you should drop field hockey. From what it sounds like you dont enjoy it, it prevents you from recovering fully, and it takes a lot of time away from you’re day that could be spent doing other things such as homework or relaxing. At some time you’re just gonna reach a point where you snap, and that is not where you want to be. It seems like all the signs are there that you’re gonna burn out and overload your CNS with too much stress (in your case physical, mental, AND emotional). I think you should recognize them for what they are now and do something about it to prevent that, or you’re gonna be in a world of hurt down the road. I dont want to sound like all doom and gloom, but it would really really suck to burn out and waste all that hard work by trying to do too much. Good luck…
A lot of good comments here Kras - only u can decide what u wanna do - but take a step back - this could potentially be one of the best & fun times of ur life - hard work but a huge experience
it sounds like u don’t get much support - even more reason to take care of urself - if it were me I’d drop the hockey and replace it with stuff thats gonna make you stronger and save u energy - preparing urself better for what u know is ur main sport.
Oddly enough - knowing when to lighten up will probably bring you better results and happiness - its taken me 40 years to suss this out - d’oh!
Teethgrinding - ouch!
thanks guys…
i know i am headed for a nervous breakdown because i am trying to do EVERYTHING, but it scares me to have too much free time because i know i’ll fuck around or get into trouble. I don’t know, i just want track to start and then everything will fall into place.
I am still sickly, so i’ve elected to skip our lifting and conditioning, which will not do nice things to my immune system, and instead i am going to reevaluate my life from the comfort of my bed. tommorow we have the day off as well which will be a big relief.
Very happy to hear that mate!!!
A day in bed watching T & F vids. What more would you ask for! (Yeah, I know, I’ve gotta get out more!!!)