Humor and things that make us laugh.

:eek: :eek:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QswFw_Ahc_M

Young v Board of Trustees for Aorere College

18 Aug 2006, D King, AA 267/06, (8 pages)

UNJUSTIFIED DISMISSAL - Serious misconduct - Applicant claimed principal attempted to get rid of him by ‘unlawfully using and/or tampering with competence procedure results’ - Also alleged harassed and bullied by principal – Performance issues properly raised and dealt with by respondent – Applicant had agreed to resign at end of year - Unpleasantness of situation did not mean applicant harassed, bullied or subject to improper pressure – Performance issues dealt with separately from disciplinary proceedings – Assessment irregularities, not performance issues, led to dismissal – Concerns raised about authenticity

and validity of applicant’s assessments – Principal told applicant about concerns and sent him home on other duties – Applicant claimed collective employment agreement not complied with – Unfortunate “suspend” was used rather than “transfer” in letter to applicant as he was instructed to carry out other duties and not suspended per se – Rationale for transfer was not on its face in accordance with employment agreement as no direct reference to welfare or interests of students – However, clear that respondent’s concern was preventing contact with students - Respondent entitled to protect students – Applicant failed to attend meeting arranged to consider assessment issue – At subsequent meeting, applicant mentioned he had interviewed students but refused to provide any notes – Also refused to name teachers he claimed carried out assessments in same manner – Had applicant supplied information, and had it been relevant, respondent would have been under obligation to investigate further - Applicant admitted he wrote answers on board before exams and saw no problem with filling in replacement exam paper for one student had lost, even though he had no way of knowing what student’s actual answers had been – Respondent set out these, and other assessment related reasons, in dismissal letter - Applicant claimed he was puzzled as to real reasons for dismissal but Authority found letter set out real reasons – Applicant’s admissions clearly constituted serious misconduct, he provided no satisfactory explanation for his actions and he could not see that conduct was problematic – Penalty of dismissal was one a reasonable employer would have applied – Dismissal justified - Whanganui College Board of Trustees v Lewis (cited below) distinguished - Length of service two years - Woodwork teacher Result: Application dismissed ; Costs reserved

Got this from a member, thought it was pretty funny.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,” where:
:slight_smile: means a smile and
:frowning: is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by
:slight_smile:
:frowning:

Well, how about some “ASSICONS?”

Here goes:

(!) a regular ass

(!) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(*) a sore ass

{!} a swishy ass

(o) an ass that’s been around

(_ x _) kiss my ass

(X) leave my ass alone

(zzz) a tired ass

(E=mc2) a smart ass

($) Money coming out of his ass

(?) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing their ass off

(_ :slight_smile: _)

Scousers in Hell

Two guys from Liverpool die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in anoraks and hoodies warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks, “Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

They reply, “'Well, we’re from Liverpool bud, and it’s always raining. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit and dry out eh”.

The devil decides they aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in anoraks and hoodies.

The devil asks again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”

Again they reply, “Well, like we told ya, we’re from Liverpoo, it’s even wetter than Ireland, and we’re just happy for a chance to warm up and dry out a little, eh.”

This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go.

People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two scousers in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished. “Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”

The two scousers reply, “We don’t get much warm weather in Liverpool. We’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice.”

The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two scousers back in their anoraks and hoodies. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling & screaming like mad men!

The Devil is dumbfounded. “When I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two?”

The scousers look at the devil in surprise, “Don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean that Liverpool have won the Premiership!”

^^^there is one about the maple leafs the same way

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, groaned then visibly shuddered for
ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, groaned then shuddered violently
once more.

The man assumed that the woman might have Flu, though he was still curious
about the groaning & shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, groaning whilst her body shook even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose groaned and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?”

“I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an
orgasm.”

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.

“I have never heard of that condition before” he said. “Are you taking anything for it?”

“Yes” The woman nodded, “Pepper.”

A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.

Would you like male or female?"

Female, please.“Would you like Black, or White?”

White, please."

Would you like Christian or Muslim?"

This question confused the man . . . and he replied, “What has the religion got to do with it? It’s an inflatable doll!”

Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows itself up!

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/telemarketer-prank-p1.php

Funny stuff

I have a joke. If you are offended, sorry in advance.

A hippie gets on a bus and there is this hot nun sitting there. He tries to get her to come to his place but has no luck. Eventually the nun gets off the bus and the hippie and the bus driver begin talking.

The bus driver says “hey I’ll tell you what I know. The nun goes to the graveyard every night at midnight to pray. I bet if you dressed up in a Jesus costume she would do whatever you wanted.” The hippie thanks him for the information and gets off the bus.

The hippie thinks this idea over and decides its a great idea, so he finds a costume and dresses up like Jesus. Sure enough the nun shows up at the graveyard at midnight to pray.

The hippie, dressed as Jesus, jumps out of the bushes and says “I am Jesus and I command you to have sex with me”

The nun thinks this over and says “alright but on one condition. It has to be a blowjob so that I don’t lose my virginity.”

The hippie thinks this over and decides that this is fine. After the blow job, the hippie rips off his Jesus mask and says “haha I am the hippie.”

The nun looks at him then takes off her mask. “haha I am the bus driver”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmX23l0ouo8

http://sweetraptorjesus2.ytmnd.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s5_XyIvPcc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn4BAkEz-F4

LITTLE BILLY ON GETTING OLDER

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”
Little BILLY replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
“Oh?” replied the man. “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
“No,” replied Little Billy, “he minded his own fucking business!!”

Funny Joke - Horoscopes by Adam Sandler - courtesy of my son Jackson

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

OK, NOW THIS IS GOLD

THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other
day and you’ll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him
concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun
laws you got to love this!!! This is one of the best comeback lines
of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview
between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who
was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military
installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to
teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing,
archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on
the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper
rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent
killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but
you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!

AMERICA , THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE.

THIS IS PRETTY FUNNY TOO

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the great wizard was
showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had
a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically
useless.

“This is no good, Merlin!” the King exclaimed, “Look at this opening.
How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I’m on a long
quest?”

“Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn
out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in
the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine
blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can
leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a
lengthy Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he
assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their
trousers for an informal ‘short arm’ inspection.

Sure enough, each and everyone of them was either amputated or damaged
in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “You are my one and only true
knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it
in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours.”

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband
go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here’s a letter sent to the Mrs.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Walmart:

  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms a nd randomly put them in
    people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

  3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    restrooms.

  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares… and watched what happened.

  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s
    on layaway.

  6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted
    area.

  7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
    other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the
    bedding department.

  8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
    cry and asks, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

  9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
    mirror, and picked his nose.

  10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
    the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

  11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
    the “Mission Impossible” theme.

  12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look”
    using different size funnels.

  13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
    through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

  14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumes the fetal position and screams “NO ! NO! It’s those voices
    again!!!”

And last, but not least …

  1. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

Regards,
Walmart