OUCH!. Obviously he hasn’t done enough long jump training!
That’s certainly gonna ruin your day!!!
Though watching it, too much forward rotation-hence him not making it!! :o
Found online source included.
For those who need more bling, there is this…
LOL! That’s hilarious. I’m all about “Mackticality”
Tried to stick in a few US/Canadian Translations to help the understanding
22 things to make you feel like a man.
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she’s struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - *Beckham free kicks? Gay. A *Stuart Pearce
tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
- [US Translation - Beckham = Marino, Stuart Pearce = Romo]
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don’t need a sharpener, you think I can’t whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, “Let’s go” and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you’re hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it’ll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. “Ooh, did it hurt”. “Nah”.
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. “Big night?” Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. “We’ve not seen eye to eye in the past”, it says, “but someone’s got to keep the little scrotes in line”.
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g- g-g-g-! Stitch that *Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
- [US Translation - Becks = Beckham]
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE… and everyone cheers you. It doesn’t mean you’re popular, it just means your mates are ****ed. However, the rest of the pub doesn’t know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying “are you a leg or breast man” to the blokes and “do you want stuffing” to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn’t it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q Should have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we’ll make do with the aisles.
[US Translation - B&Q = big hardware store]
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. “alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it
is then. Seven. See ya.”
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it’s over we can
stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn’t make a fuss. “Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage”.
THESE ditties have probably been posted earlier on this thread, but if not …
New words for the 2005 Work-place
>
:eek: 
TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around & talking Bllocks.
>
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed: & debating just who was responsible
>
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, crps on everything, then leaves
>
ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success & advancement by sucking up to the boss, rather than working hard
>
A SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed & die
>
CUBEFARM
An office filled with cubicles
>
PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells, or drops something loudly in a cube farm, & colleague’s heads pop- up over their walls to see that’s going on! (This also applies to applause due a promotion! Because - may be cake in the offing!)
>
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch-potato.
>
SITCOM/s. (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies become when they have children & one of them stops working; becomes a house person; tends the kids &/or starts a “home business”
>
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out & whiny
>
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to work again
>
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank & file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they are designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” - needless paperwork & processes.
>
FOUR O FOUR
Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located
>
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’)
>
>
Now… here’s some New Oxford Dictionary definitions
>
GOING FOR A McSH!T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying! Just using their facilities. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them is this - that you’ll buy their food — afterwards! And thats known as:- a McSh!t with Lies!
>
AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’ (Thought all ladies had Brazillians these days!)
>
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down-under
>
BEERCOAT
That invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze-cruise, at 3 a m in the morning
>
BEERCOMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze-cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got there, & where you’ve come from
>
BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch
>
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night
>
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for ‘beers’, e.g. “a Couple of Britneys please”
>
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare! (Good one)
>
JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
>
MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nought in there worth seeing
>
MONKEY BATH
A bath, so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: “Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!”
>
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, & whisks away all the unattractive people! So, on your return the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in! (On everyone’s Wish-List, that one!
>
MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, & leaves you with a 10-Pinter in your bed instead!
>
A NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for a ‘Stella’ (the Belgian lager - Stella Artois)
>
PEARLHARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - “It’s a bit Pearl Harbour” out there (as in “there’s a nasty nip in the air!” Get it?)
>
PICASSO B*M
A woman whose knickers are too small for her; she looks like she’s got four buttocks.
>
SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person
>
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman
>
TARTFUEL
Bottled Alco-pops, e.g. Hooch, as regularly consumed by young women
http://www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html
i love how he turns up the volume when the lyrics kick in
Source: cnn.com
Officials: Diner finds finger in chili
Thursday, March 24, 2005 Posted: 8:48 AM EST (1348 GMT)
SAN FRANCISCO, California (Reuters) – A diner at a Wendy’s fast food restaurant in San Jose, California, found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain, local officials said Wednesday.
“This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it,” said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. “Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited.”
Local officials launched an investigation after the incident Tuesday night and the medical examiner determined Wednesday that the object was a human finger.
Officials are trying to determine whether the finger came in the raw materials Wendy’s used to prepare the chili, Gale said.
Wendy’s International Inc. corporate office did not immediately return a call for comment. Wendy’s is the third-largest hamburger chain.
For those times when life doesn’t make sense…theres this.
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They
were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
> humour.
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
> how do the plants grow? (UK).
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> them die.
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
> tracks?
> (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
> A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
> list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
> Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
> and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
> in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
> round?
> (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
> illegal.
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
> Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> make good pets.
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
> its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
> A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
> Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
> scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
> walking.
>
> Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
> A: No, WE don’t stink.
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first
>
>
That was funny!
Thanks KitKat.
Rupert
New words for the 2005 Work-place
>
TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around & talking Bllocks.
>
BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed: & debating just who was responsible
>
SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, crps on everything, then leaves
>
ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success & advancement by sucking up to the boss, rather than working hard
>
A SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed & die
>
CUBEFARM
An office filled with cubicles
>
PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells, or drops something loudly in a cube farm, & colleague’s heads pop- up over their walls to see that’s going on! (This also applies to applause due a promotion! Because - may be cake in the offing!)
>
MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch-potato.
>
SITCOM/s. (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies become when they have children & one of them stops working; becomes a house person; tends the kids &/or starts a “home business”
>
STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out & whiny
>
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to work again
>
ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank & file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they are designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded “administrivia” - needless paperwork & processes.
>
FOUR O FOUR
Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located
>
OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’)
>
>
Now… here’s some New Oxford Dictionary definitions
>
GOING FOR A McSH!T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying! Just using their facilities. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them is this - that you’ll buy their food — afterwards! And thats known as:- a McSh!t with Lies!
>
AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’ (Thought all ladies had Brazillians these days!)
>
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down-under
>
BEERCOAT
That invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze-cruise, at 3 a m in the morning
>
BEERCOMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze-cruise, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got there, & where you’ve come from
>
BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch
>
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night
>
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for ‘beers’, e.g. “a Couple of Britneys please”
>
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare! (Good one)
>
JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The ‘no-stars’ comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
>
MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nought in there worth seeing
>
MONKEY BATH
A bath, so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: “Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!”
>
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, & whisks away all the unattractive people! So, on your return the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in! (On everyone’s Wish-List, that one!
>
MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, & leaves you with a 10-Pinter in your bed instead!
>
A NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for a ‘Stella’ (the Belgian lager - Stella Artois)
>
PEARLHARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - “It’s a bit Pearl Harbour” out there (as in “there’s a nasty nip in the air!” Get it?)
>
PICASSO B*M
A woman whose knickers are too small for her; she looks like she’s got four buttocks.
>
SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person
>
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman
>
TARTFUEL
Bottled Alco-pops, e.g. Hooch, as regularly consumed by young women
(sorry…)
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minutedescent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks causethrottle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Regards and happy flying!
Love music videos?
Here’s one for your collection.
http://www.zeronews-fr.com/flash/70s.php
That is one smooth keyboard player…