it is really windy and hot and beautiful out, it’s about to storm. I love to run whenever it’s like that, so I went out for a pretty fast-paced half hour until the asphalt started to not feel great on my lower legs. Got back here and did a quick strength circuit: 10 pushups, straight to 20 crunches, straight to 9 pushups+ 19 crunches etc down to 1 and 10.
It is hard getting motivated to go work out by myself, but once I get moving I always get so happy and feel better- I suppose that should be motivation in itself.
This has been and I suppose still is one of my worse nervous breakdowns… during the year I have always been very focused, working out really hard, eating clean, getting sleep, PLUS doing lots of the little things to make myself better. Last summer I worked out quite a lot because I was working only part-time and I got REALLY skinny, and I sort of wish I could do that again. It is so strange to me that there are sometimes days that I don’t get some kind of workout in.
As it is now, I am drenching myself in caffeine during the days, and I have been drinking alcohol for 11 out of the past 12 nights in varying amounts. Two of those nights were blackout amounts. I have been smoking when I get anxious or drunk, which I haven’t done in years. I haven’t slept in my own apartment in 3 or 4 nights and I’ve been averaging 3-4 hours a night for 6 out of the past 7 nights. My weekend job is not in the nicest area, and they have to have our security guy on duty whenever I’m working because I get harrassed by customers. I have blatantly been offered jobs to strip and to be in porn…
Yet when you put it all together, it is pretty damn fun… I suppose it is an experience. I keep telling myself that i will get back on track with the lifting I am supposed to be doing, and now that it is almost july I need to kick myself a bit or have someone else kick me and make me focus. Then again, after the year that I just had at school, maybe this is what i need- a break from it all. I don’t know, it seems more like self-destruction.
Anyway, I think I have one (1) piece of chicken in the fridge and maybe a couple eggs, and I have no idea when I’m going to find the time or $$ to get more food. Living in this area is sooo expensive, I have to admit that making some extra cash on the side would be a relief. I am working myself to exhaustion by working two jobs and not giving myself a day off… because i am superwoman