A friend sent this photo of a horrible highway accident in Germany. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you. If you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage.
Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realise how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.
My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived.
Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. He puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons and says: “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this croc’s mouth and place my genitalia inside.Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he’ll open his mouth and I’ll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured in unanimous approval.
Steve stood up on the bar,dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile’s open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals unscathed as promised.The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
Steve stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up…“I’ll try it! Just don’t hit me too hard with the beer bottle.”
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest said, “Father, my
dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick
replied, “I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they
believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go
right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya’ tell me
the dog was Catholic?”
2006 Stella Awards (Ridiculous Law Suit winners)
These are unbelievable!
> >>It’s time once again to review the winners of the Annual “Stella Awards.”
> >>The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
> >>hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s (in NM). That case
> >>inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful
> >>lawsuits in the United States.
> >>
> >>Here are this year’s winners:
> >>
> >>5th Place (tie):
> >>Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her
> >>peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
> >>inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
> >>surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was
> >>Ms.Robertson’s son.
> >>
> >>5th Place (tie):
> >>
> >>19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
> >>when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
> >>apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he
> >>was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.
> >>
> >>5th Place (tie):
> >>
> >>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
> >>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
> >>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
> >>couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
> >>garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
> >>Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on
> >>a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the
> >>homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
> >>anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
> >>
> >>4th Place:
> >>
> >>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
> >>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor’s
> >>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award
> >>was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
> >>little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence
> >>into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
> >>
> >>3rd Place:
> >>
> >>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster ,
> >>Pennsylvania , $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
> >>coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
> >>thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
> >>
> >>2nd Place:
> >>
> >>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
> >>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
> >>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton
> >>was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
> >>the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
> >>
> >>1st Place:
> >>
> >>This year’s run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
> >>Oklahoma . Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
> >>home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven
> >>onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
> >>drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not
> >>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
> >>
> >>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner’s manual
> >>that she couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a
> >>new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
> >>this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around
George Carlin’s Rules for 2006
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re gay. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.
New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket - water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge asshole.
New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”
New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&M. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don’t want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months.” “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.
This is too funny.
That’d be funny if it wasn’t a FEMA mobile home
I have to admit it is funny at first but not cool 
…thats a common reality in my island with heartbreaking stories behind them…
What are you going to do? Find humor in reality and change things if they arent cool enough for you.
Rupert
CharlieFracnis.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8mXPtCZDd0&search=Juggernaut%20
Contains adult language, so those offended by that, don’t view it. 
As I said in my first post, its funny no doubt, but if you were in my situation you would know the after feeling I get when the humour passes…Anyways I dont wanna be a sourpuss on the funny thread :o
The Wrong American
An American GI is walking up and down a crowded european train, desperately looking for somewhere to sit.
He is exhausted after months at the front and in need of rest.
He spies the only spare seat - but an elderly French woman is using it for her miniature poodle, Fifi.
The American asks, ‘excuse me maam, could you move your dog, so I can sit down.’
The woman looms up at the GI, and replies.
‘You Americans are all the same, rude and arrogant.’
The Gi walks away and again walks the length of the train looking for a seat.
Without luck, he returns and asks the French woman again if she would move her dog.
"You Americans are so arrogant. No, Fifi needs her rest,’ replies the haughty French woman.
The American has had enough by now, so he picks up the little dog and hurls it out of the window - and sits down.
Across the aisle, an english gentleman has been watching the events unfold.
He leans over and says to the American:
"You Americans are so stupid and so wrong.
"You drive on the wrong side of the road. You use a fork in the wrong hand when eating…
“And you throw the wrong bitch out of the window.”
WHITE HOUSE BREAKFAST
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”
“And what can I get for you, Mr. President?”
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, “How about a quickie this morning?”
“Why, Mr. President!” the waitress exclaims.
"How rude! You’re starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you’ve only been in your second term of office for a year! ‘’
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers…"It’s pronounced ‘quiche’ ! :rolleyes: "
this is very clever, as I suppose one would expect from a pute
Here are two funny videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzbOoJNC_TU&eurl=
I think that one is funny, but think firefox is overhyped.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8mX...h=Juggernaut%20
I’m reposting this one. C’mon, this one is funny.
On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06! You may now return to your normal stuff! 
And you won’t see this again for the next 100 years, don’t worry… 