Who let the dogs out?
By looking at a picture of a person, you have to decide if he is a computer geek or a serial killer. Go with your gut feeling and click on your choice.
Your score will be given at the end.
Enjoy!
6/10 :rolleyes:
ED ZACHARY DISEASE
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date
or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something
wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical expertise with the well
known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said “OK, take off all
your crose.” The woman did as she was told. Now get down and craw reery,
reery fass to odderside of room."
Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr Chang then said OK, now craw
reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly. Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
The woman asked anxiously “Oh my God, Dr Chang what is Ed Zachary disease?”
Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied, Ed Zachary disease is when your face
look Ed Zachary like your arse".
Boooooooo. 
9/10
I think I’m in the wrong business!
POLISH DIVORCE
A Polish man moved to Canada and married a Canadian girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him - “very quick.”
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on
the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?”
POLE: “JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home.”
LAWYER: “No,” I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: “It made of concrete.”
LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?”
POLE: “No, we have carport, and not need one.”
LAWYER: “I mean, What are your relations like?”
POLE: “All my relations still in Poland.”
LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
POLE: “Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player.”
LAWYER: “Does your wife beat you up?”
POLE: “No, I always up before her.”
LAWYER: “Is your wife a nagger?”
POLE: “No, she white.”
LAWYER: “WHY do you want this divorce?”
POLE: “She going to kill me.”
LAWYER: “What makes you think that?”
POLE: “I got proof.”
LAWYER: “What kind of proof?”
POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put
on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, Polish Remover’.”
Subject: CHRISTMAS TREES
I’ve just heard that they’re not going to decorate any Christmas trees in Thailand and Vietnam this year…
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…They’re just going to hang glitter!!!
CHINESE PROVERBS
~~~~~~~~~
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who run in front of car get tired.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
~~~~~~~~~
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all
day
~~~~~~* ~~~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
~~~~~~~~~
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
~~~~~~~~~
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
~~~~~~~~~
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
~~~~~~~~~
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat
house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
~~~~~~~~~
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
~~~~~~~~ ~
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
~~~~~~~~~
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
~~~~~~~~~
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
~~~ ~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 1st November 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free to sing along. It will be so festive and enjoyable! And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Hope it snows!
Love,
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 2nd November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’.
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Kind regards,
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous any more!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Anybody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Happy now?
Regards,
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! No, seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The F******* Holiday Party
Guess what NOW??? Vegetarian bastards! Well, I’ve had it with you f****** people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the f****** Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the f****** table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so quaintly put it, and I’ll make bloody sure you get your f****** salad bar, including f****** organic bastard tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing the f****** scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL.
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John.
WITH SINCERE APOLOGIES TO “PJ” FOR WHOM WE HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT. THIS IS GUARANTEED TO UPSET A FEW FOLKS 
As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The normal level is “General Arrogance”, and the only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military
capability.
It’s not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain, “Ineffective combat operations” and “Change sides”. The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdain” to “Dress in unform and sing marching songs”. They have two
higher levels: “Invade a neighbour” and “Lose”.
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from “Isolationism” to “Find another oil-rich nation for regime change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “Attack random countries (ideally those
without any credible military)” and “Beg the British for help”.
The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re categorized from “Tiresome” to “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
Written no doubt by the Rendon Group- the right wing think tank that got 100 million in contracts from the Bush admin(s) for “perception management”. Everyone’s a chicken-shit if they don’t join in on US adventures.
Advice to French military: Fuck em anyway. you won’t get payed by Saddam for previous contracts, and you’re out of the loop now.
Advice for Aussie forces: Pull your heads out of Bush’s ass and look around. You should have been suspicious when this adventure was called “Gallipoli light”.
Advice for Britain: You didn’t really think Bush was going to let you share in the contract spoils did you???
Charlie did you fight in a war?
^^^What does that have to do with anything? 
Same combat experience as Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and the rest of the neo-cons.
Amen Brother!
Hmm, so you didn’t like the “Office Xmas Party” memos
Well, i was going to give the Xmas party in Iraq a miss
I DID fight in one of the wars (not that that really matters, the advantage of a ‘free’ society is that everyone is allowed their opinions. The real problem is when people with no balls of their own send young men to die, then question their courage if they disagree with the war), and I think that Charlie is spot on (great British-esque term) with his statement.
10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
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Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
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Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
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Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
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Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
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Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
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Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
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Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
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Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
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Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
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Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
[Stolen from T-nation]