I still cant believe that pic with the car on the boat or the gas pump still attached to the car???
Bush you mean Clinton!!!
Druze I came up with number 6 on your personility chart? Which one did you pic?
1,3,4, and 9…I’m a well rounded freak 
I did it again this time picking more then one. I came up with 1,5,6
I took a personality test and I came up INFP: only 1% of the world has this type! It says they never loose there since of wonder, drift from fantasy to reality, and can see good in almost anyone. I think that sounds about right.
for those who live in Arizona…
May 30th:
Just got moved into our new home in Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows how
to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset
from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I
love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see
the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks.
What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today,
but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this
kind of heat? At least it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat
and humidity is taking longer that I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3
days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to
respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the
time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size
of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids
that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my
lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it’s hot as
hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house
payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. t cost $500
and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house
feel like it’s about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over,
my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers
of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells
like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the
weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this
damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus just
might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can’t live in this
damn heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix
it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend the $1500 house
payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona. What kind of a sick demented
idiot would want to live here?
wow…
Must be pretty hot there in Arizona huh?:mrt:
Try this quickly - someone appears to have hacked google, so they’ll probably get rid of it, but its quite good. Go to www.google.co.uk then type: weapons of mass destruction
>Don’t press Search!!
Next click the “I’m feeling lucky” button - read the error message
carefully…
Haha, that was really good.
Lo - that Arizona stand up was priceless!
gf-200 the google thing is great, I have send that one.
Thanks guys, I needed a laugh today1
"A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined
the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal,
and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
“Breast fed,” she replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.
She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both
breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough
examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, “No
wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, "I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, ”You have exactly 1586 sheep.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don’t know nothing about my business … “
“ … Now give me back my dog.”
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” wiz “v”.During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten zyl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
> > > A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a
> > > local court. But the custody of their children
> > > posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and
> > > protested to the judge that since she had brought
> > > the children into this world, she should retain
> > > custody of them. The man also wanted custody of
> > > his children. The judge asked for his side of the
> > > story too.
> > >
> > > After a long moment of silence, the man rose from
> > > the chair and replied:
> > >
> > > “Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending
> > > machine, and Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi
> > > belong to me or to the machine?”
> > >
> > > (Don’t laugh)
> > > The man won
“Unitize!!!”
.
There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a
little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
“Yep,” the little boy said, “He sure did!” The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20.00 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”
The young boy looked up at the cop and said “Nice horse you got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?:”
“Yes, he sure did,” chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse not on top.”
Enjoy!