Right, so what would behoove the self-proclaimed experts is to reveal the following to their uninformed public:
- We are good enough to transform a block of clay into some kind of recognizable shape; but don’t count on us to do much more than that because we could only learn so much in our 2 day certification course.
- What’s more, the only thing our graduate professors were capable of discussing was how to train someone with diabetes, who had suffered a heart attack, or is looking to stay beneath their anaerobic threshold while walking to their mailbox.
- so since we weren’t able to learn from someone who has actually assisted a high level athlete in getting even faster, we are going to bedazzle you by attaching strange contraptions to your kids as they sprint
- forget about the fact that your kids can’t hold the proper sprint position on their own or perform 10 proper push ups because we’ll just add another 10kg to their weight vest, have them stumble around on our super duper agility ladders, and run them until they vomit
- just don’t send us anyone who is already fast because we don’t know what to do with that type of talent.
- if you do send us someone who is already fast we’ll make sure to have them run 5miles up hill wearing a 20kg weight vest and then immediately test their sprint. This will give us some leeway because we won’t retest their sprint until their last day with us and by that time they’re bound to be about as fast as when they first got here. But if they’re slower we’ll just tell them that they had a bad day.